Water

Hi! Erica here, the one who is always saying how crazy life is, how busy we all are and how we need to get our kids to pull their weight and do their fair share.

The other day, Mikey asked me for water. He was sitting at the kitchen counter, having a snack and he requested water. Not in a knock your socks off kind of way, like, “Mom, may I please have some water?” More like, holding his cup out to me and saying, “water.” Michael has exactly zero physical disabilities. He is more than capable of standing up and getting his own water.

It made me realize that enabling behaviors creep in like water through a leaky roof!  

When Mikey first learned to request items, it made sense for us to get those for him to build the connection that his words were being understood…AND…that he could use communication to have some control over the world around him. The absolute best way to help a child understand that they correctly communicated a request is to give them the item they requested.

Imagine This

You are at my house for the first time and you ask, “could I have some water?” and I reply, “great asking, friend! I love how you used your words!”  Weird, right? But we do that all the time with our special kiddos.  So, when Mikey was first learning to ask for water, it made perfect sense for us to get it for him.  The skill we were working on was communication.

Now, Mikey asks for food and drinks multiple times every day. We no longer need to build this connection in his mind.  He won’t forget how to ask us for water.

So

Instead of getting his water for him, I found myself saying, “Sure! Get up and get yourself some water.” And he did…one fewer item on Mom’s To Do List. He got off his duff and did it himself.

The Moral of the Story

When teaching communication, it is a helpful step to hear your child’s request and honor it immediately.  But, look out for the turning point. Has this behavior stopped being a teaching tool and turned into enabling?