The Giving Tree

Okay, I don’t HATE this book, but I have some strong feelings about it.

At the beginning of the book, there is a line that resonates with every parent: “Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy.”

Well, we’re practically tearing up already. It’s a strong start, for sure!

But, over the course of the book, the boy comes to the tree asking more and more.  At first, the boy just wants to climb and eat an apple and sit in the shade.  But the boy keeps asking and asking. The tree continues to give more and more of herself until she is nothing but a stump. Does this seem extreme to anyone else? To me, this seems to go way beyond love and support into the realm of dysfunction. This has always bothered me.  

Of course, we love our kids with our whole hearts and there is nothing we wouldn’t do for them if they really needed it! But it seems to me that this boy, who grows to be a man during the book, instead needs to take some initiative on his own. Does he NEED the tree to do all these things for him, even as he sees the toll it is taking on her?

Then I saw this on Facebook.

Yes! This!

I think as our kids get older, it is important for them and for us that some boundaries be established around the relationship.  This is positive for both parent and child.

For example, when I was young and living in my mom’s house, if she noticed my room was a mess, she’d say, “you need to clean this up.”  When she would visit me as an adult, she did not tell me what I needed to do with my own house and chores.  It was sometimes messy (two kids and two golden retrievers – okay, often messy)…but she knew she raised me to be knowledgeable about what needed to be done and capable of getting it done myself. If I had been overwhelmed and truly in need of help, my mom would have helped me clean up.

If my kids asked me for help cleaning their space, of course I would help them. But if they asked me to come over every week and clean up their space instead of them doing any of their own cleaning, I’d be setting some boundaries. 

Shel Silverstein will always be one of my favorite authors, but if my kids’ needs literally ground me down to a stump, this Momma tree would not be happy.  Good thing it is within my power to create healthy boundaries and empower my kiddos to do things for themselves.