Talking about Valentines

Elementary School Classrooms are usually proactive about making sure that everyone is included in any classroom celebration. Notes go home to families reminding them to bring a valentine card to everyone in the class. The teachers also tell the kids verbally (likely several times). In self-contained Special Ed Classes, they might have a party or the teachers might help the kids make a valentine craft. So, I hope your child will come home with something that makes them feel special.

But

If, on February 14th, they do not come home with anything in their backpack that looks even remotely valentine related, hold back. Don’t go full-on Mama Bear or Papa Bear (yet). Take a moment.

1. It is entirely within the realm of possibility that your child has a bag full of valentine cards on their desk at school and they just forgot to put it in their backpack.
2. Can your child communicate with you about their day? If so, ask some open-ended questions to get more information. As your child is enjoying whatever little valentines you left out for them, ask what their favorite part of the class party was.
3. If they seem upset, address it with them and then follow up with the teacher.

Not in Front of the Kids

Whatever you do, don’t lose it in front of your child.  Whether they are happy, sad, completely oblivious to the situation, you can handle it with the adults at school.  You will have your own emotions – I know I’d be piping mad if Mikey was excluded from a full class event (this happened once in Preschool, and I was simultaneously heartbroken and shocked) but putting our own grown-up feelings and analysis of the situation on our children’s little shoulders isn’t a good way to go. You may wind up creating an issue for your child when they originally felt fine.

Talk it Out

If your child was excluded, a conversation with the teacher and the staff at school is important.

Wait

There’s still almost a week left until Valentine’s Day! This sadness can be avoided if you jot a quick e-mail to your child’s teacher.  Explain and inform them to prevent any sadness.  

Here’s an example:

“Dear Mrs. P, In the past, sometimes Mikey has been accidentally left out of classroom celebrations.  He notices if he is excluded, and it hurts his little heart.  I know that you’re always on top of things, but I just wanted to make sure that the kids in the class know that Mikey will be bringing valentine cards for everyone and that he’d love to get cards from his pals.  If you’re having a party, we’d be happy to send something for the class to share.  Thanks, Erica”

Likely, you’ll get a note back that says that all the kids have already been reminded that if they would like to hand out valentine cards, they need to have one for everyone in the class…but you’ve spoken up just in case.

Having done what we can, we’ll just hope for the best.