Self-Advocacy

Is there a more important skill? The ability to advocate for yourself, to set your own boundaries and to chart your own path is sacred to who we are as human beings.  Self-advocacy is a big umbrella and might encompass many different skills, but in terms of keeping your child safe, saying ‘no’ might be vital…and it’s a great place to start.

When I was in college, I was a lifeguard and a Red Cross swim instructor.  Do you know what we teach first in Red Cross swim lessons?  How to get out of the pool!  Over time, we give the kids many options for what to do in the pool: backstroke, diving, freestyle, jumping, floating, sidestroke and breaststroke.  But first, we teach them what to do when they are ‘all done’ and need to get out of the pool.  Why? Because in any water situation, fun or scary, this is a skill every person will need. It is a skill that can save your life!  The ability to get to a ladder, the side of the pool or the sand on the beach can mean life or death – so the Red Cross prioritizes this skill. Brilliant! But even enabling our kids to advocate for themselves can keep them safe in various situations.

How?

First, our kids need to be able to express ‘NO.’  They can have two laminated cards: a green one with the word ‘yes’ and a red one with the word ‘no.’ The colors give them a way to distinguish the cards if they are not readers.  They should have access to them all the time if they cannot speak and cannot use another method of communication (like signing or AAC).

Options

Now that Mikey is older, he has a few phrases that he can use depending on the situation.  He might say, “I’m not ready now.” Or “I don’t want to.” He can also use, “I need a break.” Or “I want to be alone, please.”  These options are a little more polite in conventional circles, but I would still always honor ‘no.’

One Funny Example

During the remote learning phase of the pandemic, Mikey was not a fan of zoom classes.  He promptly learned to click the ‘leave meeting’ button and he was a huge fan of doing it right in the middle of class, whenever he felt like being done.  Self-advocacy is sometimes messy, but still worth it!!