Private Stuff, Private Space

Be prepared! This post addresses topics like private parts and masturbation.  If this worries you…you should read this more than any of the other moms or dads. You need to be able to tell your child what is appropriate where, so…let’s figure out how to keep them from doing private stuff in public spaces.

What is a Private Space?

Typically, I might say your own bedroom and bathroom are private spaces.  With Michael, I only told him his bedroom was private.  I did not tell him the bathroom was private because I was unsure whether Michael could distinguish between his own bathroom at home and a multi-stall bathroom at school or a restaurant. If your child has cognitive challenges, give them the safest, most private place to do whatever they need to do.

What if they Can’t Understand?

Unfortunately, it may take them a while.  Without anger or shame, if your child is touching their privates in public, clearly explain, “If you want to do that, you need to do it in your bedroom only.” Keep an eye on them and try to catch it each time it happens to keep reinforcing the idea. I never actually used the word masturbation when I spoke to Michael about it. I honestly thought with my luck, that would be the word he mastered immediately and used in super inappropriate settings all over town. I just made it clear, without shaming him, that “it’s okay to do that, you just have to go in your room with the door closed.”

Although I always think it is important to keep explaining (verbally, through sign or visuals), if your child struggles with verbal communication, just calmly walk them to their room and close the door. Give them their privacy. Then teach them to jump in the shower and put on fresh clothes just to make sure they are clean and ready to face the rest of their day.

Ask for Help

Before this becomes a major problem, speak to a professional about it.  BCBAs and Special Ed teachers will be familiar with this development as your child enters puberty.  It won’t come as a shock to them, and it won’t be the first (or the last) time they hear about it. I promise, you’ll feel more embarrassed asking than they will answering…they’ll be happy to help because they won’t want it to become a problem at school.

So Embarrassing

I get it…it’s the last thing we want to talk to our kids about…it’s the last thing our kids want to talk to us about.  That said, it is only fair to them to tell them what the rest of the world will expect.  And, the rest of the world will expect that they do their private stuff in private spaces.  The End.