Pieces of the Puzzle A-Z

Usually, Tuesday’s Timely Tip will be something relevant to the season or helping you to think ahead about something that might be coming up.  That said, to start, I’d like to provide a starting point, a list of some of the pieces of the puzzle.

There is so much our kids need to learn to move towards independence. Sometimes it can feel completely overwhelming.  I have started a list, from A to Z of things I think are important, but I’d love to have you add things in the comment section that you hope your child will learn or that your child has learned and it has contributed to greater independence.

A to Z

Academics

• Reading
• Counting
• And beyond…the sky’s the limit!

Bonding

• Making meaningful connections

Communication

• Naming the things around us
• Requesting things you need
• Saying no
• Advocating for yourself
• Negotiating

Drawing, Singing, Smiling and Laughing

• Ways to have fun together
• Finding what makes your child happy

Exercise

• Outdoor walks
• Trampoline
• Playgrounds
• Swimming at the Y or a local beach (always supervised, even when proficient)

Food

• Increasing tolerance of a variety of healthy foods
• Having one option your child can tolerate at widespread chains like McDonalds
• Eating out at restaurants
• Getting those fruits and veggies

Gatherings, Parties and Playdates

• I know it’s hard…do it anyway.
• Planning
• Hosting
• Being a guest
• Giving time to decompress afterwards

Health and Happiness

• Paying attention to mental health and physical health…watch the signs.

Journaling

• Keep it positive
• Assist as needed, but keep the message true to what your child would say if they could.

Kindheartedness: Model it and Teach it

• Be patient
• Behave as you would want someone to behave if you suddenly lost the abilities you have now
• Always include.  Accept no if they would rather not join in

IEPs: How to Share your Input and Follow through at Home

• Plan ahead, meet with members of the team one on one ahead of time so you know what they are proposing and you can discuss with them in a calm, private atmosphere
• Know your rights as a parent.  Hold the school accountable if they are not following through
• Be involved throughout the year so that you are not receiving any shocking news right before the IEP

Leisure Time

• Teaching your child to play
• How to entertain themselves
• Hobbies
• Crafts
• Ways to energize v. ways to calm

Money: What Does your Kid Really Need to Know?

• Debit cards for kids
• Rounding up to the nearest dollar
• Using a calculator

Negotiating – a Vital Skill

• Repeating is the beginning of negotiating
• Negotiating is a way to advocate for yourself…it’s a really important skill
• Accepting no is also important because even if we negotiate, we don’t always get what we want.

Overstimulation and Ways to Support your Child during Difficult Moments

• Prepare for overstimulating enviroments when you can (noise blocking headphones for sporting events or even big school events)
• If you see your child coping but not thriving, make an early exit. Better to keep things short and sweet than to push to the point of meltdown
• Give time to decompress after these high energy situations
• If a meltdown does happen, get your child to a safe, quiet space and just wait calmly.  Your words can’t really help them at these heightened moments.  They need your presence but they need to ride the wave of the emotion themselves.

Prompting and Fading Prompts (as soon as possible)

• Verbal prompts are the hardest to fade
• A physical prompt like a point is easier to fade
• Fading prompts is important because we don’t want our kids to be dependent on our prompting to complete their daily tasks.

Questions, the Gateway to Understanding the World

• For kids who struggle with communication, questions may be hard  – they need ways to get information about the world around them, their day and the expectations of them.

Reinforcers

• If your kid likes it, it can be used as a reinforcer.
• If you are tempted to use a reinforcer because it is age appropriate, gender appropriate, popluar with other kids in your neighborhood, don’t!  Use what you own individual kid likes and is motivated by. Period.

Sensory Diet

• Exposing your child to a variety of sensory input throughout their day in order to meet their sensory needs for self-regulation. If this seems like it is VERY important for your little person, consult an Occupational Therapist.  Your school should have one and you can request that they consult on your child’s case.

Time, Timing and Timers

• Developing a sense of time is tricky. You can use visual timers, daily schedules, first-then lists, alarms on your phone or your child’s ipad and many other tools to help your child understand the timing of their day.

Undressing, Dressing and What to Wear

• The physical skills of taking clothes off and putting them on are a huge part of independence and they are an essential part of learning to use the bathroom.
• What to wear depending on weather can be tricky. There are tools to help!

Visual Aids

• Lists (words or pictures or both) of the steps in daily skills like taking a shower.
• Calendars
• Timers
• Social Stories
• Quiet signs

Water Safety

• Make this a priority! Many special needs kids are drawn to water and they need to know how to swim in case they ever make their way out of your line of sight and into water. Start today: find out where Red Cross swim lessons are offered in your area because Red Cross lessons focus on water safety and drowning prevention. They are still fun – your kids will likely love every second, but even if they don’t…I still recommend it.

X-rays, Vaccinations and Dental Work

• Medical settings can be scary.  Working on behavior in these settings is very important and will pay huge dividends.
• There are some ways to numb pain prior to blood draws. You can talk to your doctor about this ahead of time to prepare.

Yelling, Why it Sometimes Happens but Really Doesn’t Help

• Parents have feelings too.  Sometimes we just have had enough and we yell. It happens. I think beating yourself up about it doesn’t make much sense, but I do apologize to my kids when I yell because it isn’t how I want to behave and it doesn’t fit with modeling how I want them to behave.
• There are some good strategies to keep yourself from getting to this point.  We’ll talk about those.

Z’s. What You Need to Know about Sleep

• Many, many special needs kids struggle with sleep, especially those on the spectrum.  When I tell you that I have tried everything, please believe me. I’ll share what I have learned, but if this is a huge problem for you, you’ll need to talk to a doctor who specializes in pediatric sleep issues.

I know there is a lot here. If you’re looking for ideas, pick the one that jumps out as most relevant for your child…taking on too much at once is a recipe for frustration, yours and your child’s. Just keep reaching piece by piece and you’ll be building towards greater independence every day.