Pick Your Battles

Clothing, what children want to wear or not wear, is one of the great parenting mysteries.  I know this is not just happening with Michael because if I drive around our town when the kids are out waiting for the bus, I see them all in shorts and hoodies, regardless of the arctic temperatures outside.

Phases

When Mikey was young, he used to always want a long-sleeve tee shirt, another tee shirt on top and a vest. He used to chew every tee shirt to the point where we were going through tee shirts every other week. They’d have holes in them by week 2. During this phase, I resorted to 6 packs of undershirts, which were very cheap and we just kept replacing them so we weren’t sending him to school in clothes with holes.  If this had not been in the budget, I would have just sent him in the shirts with the holes…you gotta do whatever works for you and your family.

As he got older and his hearing got more sensitive, he was drawn to the hoodies because they allowed him to keep his ears covered, even if he didn’t have his headphones.  This obsession became so strong that one summer, we actually had to remove his sweatshirts from his ottoman (where he kept his clothes) and replace that shelf with a sign saying. “No sweatshirts. Too hot!” It seems tough to win.

The Truth

The truth is, unless your child is wearing sweatshirts during a heat wave or shorts during an arctic temperature plunge, I’d just let it go. I do have one exception to this rule, which I’ll share in a minute.

Here is my Thinking

Our kids need to ‘report’ in to a different adult every period of the day. They have a one-on-one aide that stays with them every minute of their school day, plus they have teachers and therapists and social workers and administrators. In fact, the better their school program, the less time they will have to be outside the direct supervision of an adult. They don’t get to make that many choices in their day.  

So, I try to let Mikey make every decision that he possibly can. If he wants to wear a certain shirt, cool. If he wants to eat chex mix for breakfast, fine by me (it is cereal adjacent). If he wants to play outside in the rain or stay inside on a beautiful, sunny summer day, I tell him it is his choice. There will be thousands of things we cannot let our children do, so when we can say yes, let’s embrace that and do it joyfully!

What will People Say?

My first and overwhelming instinct is to say, ‘F*ck ‘em.’  However, I know that doesn’t’ really answer the question, because we are trying to help our kids make friends and connections. So, here’s my one exception…In my opinion, you need to draw the line when your child wants to wear the same thing every day. It sends a message to the world (whether true or not) that your child is not bathing or washing their clothes.  That said, if he or she wants the same outfit in 7 different colors and is agreeing to take a bath or shower each night – cool. Would it be my choice for my child? No, but I could live with it, especially if it soothed my child’s anxiety and made getting ready for school easier.

It won’t all be perfect, but if you can keep your child clean and protected from the weather, I’d say you’re getting a passing grade…keep up the good work, parents!!