My Life

As I get older, I give more and more thought to what meaning my life holds. When I was in college, I got my certification to teach Elementary School. I felt it was a calling. I was passionate about the importance of teaching and I felt I had something I could bring to a classroom of young students. 

In fact, my college graduation invitation had a quote inside from Forest Witcraft:

My dream was to be the teacher that had been in the district forever, whose students kept in touch as they went on to fulfill their own dreams. I pictured myself sitting at my classroom desk and having my adult former students popping their heads in to see me, knowing I would still be there – like a school institution.

Even as I write this, I tear up a little bit at what feels like a dream that has passed me by. It has been over 20 years since I was in a classroom as a teacher (aside from some substitute teaching I have done in the past few years). 

When I first left teaching, I thought it would be for a few years as my babies grew up enough to go to kindergarten. I wanted to take that time to be with them. The life I planned was that of a working mom with a career that would also allow me time to be with my children on nights, weekends and summers. I thought I had it all figured out.

I have been so blessed. Each choice I have made regarding my career and my life has been my own. I know that isn’t true for everyone. And on top of that, I believe they were the right decisions for me and my family at the time. I actually have been important in the lives of at least two children (my own).  Whether they think I did a good job is a question you’ll need to ask them, but the truth is, I did fulfill the promise I made to myself on my college graduation. 

And, so much of the life I have now was beyond my dreams for myself. I never imagined I would be so blessed with a loving husband who still makes me laugh every day after over 20 years. I now cannot imagine my life without him. We have two boys who make my heart happy and proud every single day. Our dogs have been blessings beyond what I could have hoped. We have been safe and healthy (for the most part) and those are no longer things I would ever (EVER) take for granted…The life I have is a beautiful one.

Even so, I grieve for the dream I had and the fact that it now seems improbable, if not totally out of reach. And that’s okay. I think each phase of life comes with dreams that evolve. I’m not sure what the next phase of my life will bring, but if it includes a little more relaxation and a little less stress, I’ll count myself lucky, even if I’m not sitting behind a desk with a shiny red apple.