Memories

As parents, we don’t get to control how our children remember their childhoods.  We can create opportunities to form positive memories and then we need to let go and let them decide what’s important to them.

Now that I am looking back at these journal entries one decade later, I realize, I leaned heavily on my core beliefs about parenting.  It’s great to do things that are important to your kids to show them you care about them…AND it’s important to share things you love with your children. It shows them that being part of a family means sometimes the focus is on you and sometimes it is time to do something someone else loves.  The farm was definitely my happy place (and we had paid for the whole season anyway, so why not?).

Do my boys remember the farm memories as keepers? You’d need to ask them, but I know they treasured their time with Mimi. I gave them the opportunity to enjoy the farm. That was my part of the bargain. What they make of that is up to them.

My Own Childhood

One year, when my mom was being extra careful with her money, we went to Nantucket (or maybe Martha’s Vineyard) in the off-season.  I think it may have been October.  It was much less expensive than it would have been in the summer and my Nana had always wanted to go.  She was fascinated with lighthouses, so it was a natural fit, and as always, my mom made it happen.

We have photos of us smiling on the ferry and I remember making my mom and nana laugh as I pretended to be asking for spare change with my empty hot cocoa cup.  That joke really would not be okay today, but I was selling it…and there was no one else around (another benefit of going in the off-season) to be offended by my humor. Sounds fun! Right?

Well, I also remember one full day of the trip, I was throwing a serious teenage mood. I couldn’t tell you what set me off that day, but I can assure you that I was being all-caps BRATTY. I missed the chance that day to make happy memories with my mom and Nana. It’s a day I won’t get back. I am lucky I didn’t go down this road too often, but the times I did miss while moping really bother me.

The Moral of the Story

As we get older, we learn that the moments are not unlimited.  Grab ‘em while you can.  At least I know I gave the boys the chance to have a happy memory of raspberry picking with their Mimi.  As for me, I treasure that memory! What will you do with your chances for happy memories? After all the parenting work, that’s one of the few things over which you truly have control.