I’m Sorry

This may be the second most important phrase you will say to your kids during their childhood, right after ‘I love you.’  

I Love You

This phrase tells your kids that you care for them, you’ll look out for them, keep them safe and support them. We need to tell them we love them, even if they can’t say it to us…just like we do when they’re babies.  We need to keep telling them because they can understand so much more than they can express.  Now, if I ask Mikey, ‘How much does Mommy love you?’ He replies, ‘To the moon and back, every single day.’ To which, I say, ‘Correct!’ It’s a daily script we go through to remind my little buddy that I adore him.

I’m Sorry

This phrase tells your kids that although you make mistakes, you can recognize when you are wrong. It models how to handle it when you hurt someone’s feelings or do something you regret. An apology lets the recipient know that you care about how they feel and that when they are hurt, you’re going to show up.

Tough Times

There was a phase when the boys were young, the preschool years, in particular. We had two active boys, a lovable menace of a golden retriever and I had an aging grandmother who was in a memory care facility nearby my home.  My husband’s job required travel, although he always did his best to get home to us as soon as he could. My mom was in Florida for half the year and I am the only child of an only child so I was the primary company/visitor for my Nana Ru for the Winter months. I would drop the kids at their two separate preschools, go visit with my Nana, run to the grocery store or any other errands, pick the boys up and still have more than half the day to keep everyone safe and busy.  Then, keeping them busy had gotten them dirty and hungry so they needed baths and dinner. Neither of the boys were great sleepers so I couldn’t even count on getting through the night once I had tucked them in. On top of that, we had therapies happening in our home, so I felt like the house needed to be clean and organized, which was basically impossible. Those were a long couple of years.

I was overstimulated, overtired and at times overwhelmed by my emotions.  Combine that with the fact that I’m half Irish and half Italian and I sometimes raise my voice when I feel like people are not listening to me.  News flash…little people and dogs often don’t listen.  This was a time when I felt like my parenting M.O. was to mess up, apologize, eat, sleep and repeat.  In retrospect, there were zillions of wonderful memories made during this time, but I was stretched thin and it showed in my parenting.  I had little patience left and I just wanted to get some sleep, for the love of Moses!

So, I apologized. I let my Will tell me how my actions made him feel (he was a highly expressive kid for his age).  For Mikey, I’d apologize and give him a nice long hug.  Now that they are older, sometimes my kids are the ones who apologize to me. I showed them that people make mistakes and when you do, it is honorable to own up to it and try to make it right.