Haircuts

A calm photo of a haircut reinforces the idea that there is nothing to be afraid of. In this case, it is also serves as a reminder of the fact that Michael can do this on his own! A decade later, I do not even go near the chair with Michael. He walks in and sits down himself without fear.

I know for some of you, the idea of being able to even stand back and take a photo of your child getting a haircut seems completely impossible.  Here’s how we got there and some tips to help you make haircuts stress free.

Start by choosing a place that caters to children with special needs.  You can use a local special needs parents and family facebook group to get information from more experienced parents in your area. If social media is not for you, ask your doctor or any therapists you might have.  Your own hairdresser or barber might even know of a good place.  Some have TVs, toys, chairs that look like fire trucks, etc… 

One Way to Move Forward

If your child is already afraid, here’s a strategy to build up their exposure to haircuts and make them feel at ease.

Assume you will not get your child’s hair cut on the first trip to the barber/salon.  Wait…what? Yup!  Here’s the plan.

1. Find a place that you think will appeal to your child in some way.  In our case, it was like a theme park with haircuts, specifically designed to be fun for kids.  If I recall correctly, it was like getting your hair cut in a toy store…totally over the top, but it worked.
2. Call ahead and explain you are going to stop by.  Explain that your child has special needs and is afraid. Let the people working there know that you’re not there for a real appointment, just to get used to the place. Ask them if it is okay for you to stop by and show your child around.
3. Drive up, park. ‘This is the barber shop.’ Positive, happy attitudes and tone of voice go a long way. If your child is very frightened, you might just do this much on the first day.  You’d give whatever the small reinforcer is and head home, heaping on the praise. ”You went to the barber shop! Wow! Great job!!”
4. Next time, go in and meet the barber/hairdresser. Bring a small preferred item for them to give to your child (a sticker or a small toy). We always used candy which is something I might do differently if I had it to do over again.  We can talk more about food as rewards as we go forward…it’s complicated.
5. Keep this first visit short and positive.
6. If your child is very afraid, you might need several visits.  Maybe one time you sit with them in the chair and they get their reward. Then maybe they sit in the chair and the barber holds the scissors and they get their reward and leave.  Maybe on the next visit, the barber actually cuts some hair, even if it is not a full haircut.  You get the idea. Build up slowly, keeping every experience positive…rewarding approximations of a haircut.
7. The best hair cutting professionals for families like ours are the ones that are FAST.  The ideal haircut will come in time, but for now, every trip needs to be fast and positive.
8. Scheduling appointments slightly more often than necessary is a great way to keep the haircuts quick and to keep your child in the habit of going. It costs slightly more, but it is worth it.
9. I used to stand right next to Michael during the haircut (once he got old enough to sit on his own) and I gave him nerds one at a time as he got the haircut.
10. Lastly, don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Clippers (or as we called it, ‘the buzzer’), hairdryers and even scissors can all be scary for kids with sensory issues. Take a deep breath and model self-advocacy. “We really don’t like the hairdryer.” You can keep a note on your phone of things to tell the barber when you get there so you can set your child up for success.

Cutting hair at home?

If you’re cutting their hair at home, you can use the same process, but I would suggest having a specific space and visual cue that it is haircut time.  This can even be a whiteboard or piece of paper on which you draw scissors and write the word haircut.  This way, your child is not ‘on guard’ all the time thinking you are going to cut their hair every time they go into the bathroom to brush their teeth or take a bath.

One last thing…whatever reinforcer you choose, it should be small.  Think stickers or something equally inexpensive…you want the option to use the reinforcers freely so that your child gets rewarded for this grown-up behavior. You want to reward approximations (anything that gets you closer to the complete haircut), but you can’t reward once things turn negative, so do it early and often when things are going well.

Michael can now go to a typical local haircare establishment, sit down for the whole haircut and then help himself to a lollipop on his way out.  It really still helps that his hairdresser is super fast and I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that she tells him several times throughout the haircut how very handsome he looks that day. Flattery, it turns out, will get you pretty far!