Graduation

Mikey’s kindergarten class is graduating from our public high school this week. I expected to feel some sadness that he is missing out on this huge milestone because he is at a special school and will be there until he turns 22. Even though he is not really aware that he’s missing out, I sometimes grieve the loss of these big moments as a parent. I try to give myself grace to feel bad about these things, so I wasn’t beating myself up about it, but…

As the date approached, I started to feel completely differently than I expected. Here’s why I’m filled with love and happiness and why the dreaded jealousy never came…

The Diagnosis

I need to take you back to the day of Michael’s official diagnosis. After the developmental pediatrician finished her examination, she confirmed the diagnosis of autism. I asked if there was anything else she thought we should know. Then, for reasons I still cannot fathom, she looked at me and said, “You have to understand how profound this diagnosis is. Michael doesn’t really know the difference between you and a chair.” In shock, I sat stunned as she continued. “He will probably never make a friend.” She kept talking but, I’ll be honest, I have no idea what she said next. My mind was reeling.

As we stepped out into the hallway, my husband took me and Mikey into a big hug. He looked into my tear-filled eyes and said, “Hon, it’s Mikey. He’s our Mikey. He already knows you’re his mom.” Of course, Dave was right. When the doctor said those things, her position of authority made me lend credence to the comments, but Michael never walked up to a chair with his arms raised to be picked up. It was absurd.

But I actually owe that awful doctor a debt of gratitude. By the time we got to the car, I was fired up! I vowed I would fight to help Michael achieve all he could, without accepting limits placed on him by others.

Never Make a Friend?

Still, one worry lingered… ‘never make a friend’. As parents, we can control some things. We make sure our kids have a loving and supportive home. We fight for the services they need and deserve, but we can’t force other kids to be friends with them. We can’t ensure kindness from others. We can’t be sure they won’t be bullied.

The students graduating this year made a liar of that doctor! They proved her wrong. Michael did make friends. He had buddies to share his journal with. He had friends to invite on playdates. He had a squad to bring to the zoo and the aquarium. He had a lunch bunch full of pals and a circle of friends to call his own.

He felt included. He got invited. He got high-fives and fist-bumps in the hall. That is because of these young adults! Although you won’t see their names or faces on mikeysjournal.com (we’ve kept them private), I hope you’ll be reassured as you see that he did not spend his childhood alone. There are beautiful souls in the world, adults and kids who will make your child feel loved.

And so, I watch the social media posts of graduation with love and pride for the families of the kids that made Mikey’s childhood so wonderful. I am so happy for them and I can’t wait to see what these amazing young people do with their lives as I KNOW they can accomplish so much and that they have already changed the world with their kindness. Mikey and our whole family will always be cheering for them!