For Now
Every time you are thinking about, or asked about, something your child cannot do. I want you to add the phrase, ‘for now’ at the end.
Can your child speak? He speaks in one-word utterances, for now.
Can your child read? We mostly enjoy picture books together, for now.
Are you taking a vacation over break? That’s really hard for him, for now.
Does your child use the bathroom on their own? We’re going to wait to tackle that skill, for now.
Can your child stay home by themselves? We feel safer if he is supervised, for now.
The truth is, not one of us can predict, nor are we fully in charge of what our child will eventually accomplish. I hope you will leave the possibilities open for them in your words and in your heart. They can do so much, but they can only do one thing at a time and days get full fast. Prioritize the skills you think are most important or that your child seems most driven to learn.
The Problem Behaviors
‘For now’ may be most important when we think about problem behaviors. We worry that these behaviors will be our new normal and that our child will never get out of this awful phase. For now, doesn’t lie to us. It doesn’t promise that it will be over tomorrow. It just acknowledges the truth, that this is our situation right now and we have some agency in changing our situation.
Give This Some Thought
When we think about typical kids, we assume that they will get there eventually. Let’s take potty training as an example, we are stressed out potty training our typical kids. Accidents are frustrating and we want them to move through the ‘training’ phase as quickly as possible, but we don’t say, “What if he never learns to use the toilet?” We assume that competence will come…eventually.
It may come more slowly for our special kiddos, but many of them can get there too. We must try to help them because every skill they acquire gives them greater freedom and opportunity to pursue the life they want. And, why discourage ourselves while trying to encourage them?
Keep encouraging yourself and your children, even if things are hard for now.
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About the Author
Erica Mauro is a mom to two teenage boys, Will who is neurotypical and Michael with Autism and cognitive delays. She holds a BA in Psychology from Colgate University and a Masters of Psychology in Education from Columbia Teacher’s College. Before staying home with her children, she worked as an elementary school teacher. For five years, she served on the Board of Directors of the Molly Ann Tango Memorial Foundation, a charity dedicated to enriching the lives of children with special needs. In partnership with her husband Dave, she aspires to parent by using daily life as an opportunity for therapeutic intervention, seizing on real experiences as opportunities to build skills and strategies for Michael in a joyful, loving home environment. On the tougher early days, she just tried to get everyone safely to bedtime and start fresh in the morning. *wink* 
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