Compliance

I recently saw a Facebook post in one of my special needs parent groups.  It posed the following question: Do you think we should teach compliance as a skill? If this brings up images of a dictator parent ordering their child to do whatever they say, read on.

Compliance is a Skill

There are times in life when we need to comply with authority figures. This is even true in adulthood, but let’s stick with kids as examples for today. I don’t know anyone who likes wearing a life jacket in a boat…or at all, for that matter.  We wear life jackets in boats because it is legally required. It is legally required because if you get knocked out in a boating accident, a life jacket will keep you afloat until help can come. Do we need our kids to understand this perfectly reasonable logic? No, but we need them to comply…or they can’t go in the boat.

Not a Boater?

During a school fire drill, we need all the kids to line up and exit the building in an orderly fashion. There are also many very good reasons for this, but when the building may be on fire, we’re not discussing any of them. We need our kids to comply. It is necessary, even though the alarm is extremely loud and some of our kids can’t tolerate loud noises.

You might be thinking, ‘Can’t I just scoop him up and carry him out of the building?’ For now, you may be able to do that (and if the building is on fire, I strongly suggest you do). But there will come a time when you can’t carry your child…and when that day comes, you will wish you had taught compliance.

How?

This, my friends, is how I got into the unfortunate situation of being a mom who rewards her son with food.  Mikey will do almost anything for candy. Assess what motivates your child and teach them that if they do the very important thing (like wearing the life jacket or following directions in an emergency), they get the thing they love most.  Then practice compliance often so the skill is sharp when you need it.

Here’s the trick: you need to have that thing or things with you all the time so that when an emergency happens, you can give a direction and show your child the reward. Major life worry, removed.  Emergencies? We’ve got a plan for that! Plus, you’ll be able to grant your children more freedom to explore once they can follow the rules.

Once you know your child will follow directions in an emergency, your Mondays (and all days) will become significantly less manic.