Character v Reputation

When your child is first diagnosed and you have no experience with the world as a family member of a person with special needs, you can have moments when you worry about your reputation.  Will people think I am a terrible mom because my child ‘misbehaves’? What will people think of me when my child does not return their greeting or answer their questions? What will people think of our family if my child cannot sit still or be quiet?

Here is a quote from John Wooden, a famous American basketball coach.

You have control over your character, not your reputation.

From this day forward, focus on your character as a parent.  When your child is melting down in public and you are mortified, I want you to take a deep breath.  Remind yourself that as tough as your day is, theirs is tougher.  They are doing everything they can to make sense of their world.  And at this moment of vulnerability and challenge, you are their lifeline.  Focus only on them. Keep them safe and as much as possible, keep yourself calm.

Remember This

Your child’s behavior is a reflection of exactly one thing: their ability to handle the world’s challenges right at that specific moment. 

It does not mean you’re a bad parent, or they are a bad kid. It also gives no indication of what they might be able to do tomorrow, or next year, or one decade from now.

So

When the moments are difficult, cling to your core beliefs as a parent.  Who do you want to be? Focus on your character, not on your reputation.