Band Concert

When Will was in Middle School, he joined the Jazz Band. This meant practices before school and extra songs to learn. He enjoyed it and put in good effort so we wanted to support him.  Dave, Mikey and I all wanted to be there to hear him play.

If you have a family member with Autism, you might be wondering how we made this work. The truth is, Mikey does struggle to be quiet in situations like this and it’s hard for him to sit still, especially if there is a lot of talking. Mikey enjoys music and he adores Will, so we always gave it a try.

Communication

We always talked to Will openly about the strategy and the contingency plans.  That would have gone something like this. “Mikey is coming with us to the concert tonight. Dad is going to sit right in front of where you are playing, and Mikey and I will sit near the exit.  If he’s having trouble being quiet, I’ll take him out, so he doesn’t disrupt anyone else’s experience. Dad will take a video and we’ll watch it together afterwards.  Either way, I’ll get to see your concert and we’ll celebrate your hard work together!”

Babysitters

You could also get a babysitter for your child with special needs if that is possible for you or if you know the experience would be very challenging for your special needs child. 

Plan for Success

For my part, I would bring distractions for Mikey.  This might include a clip board with coloring page, a sticker puzzle, fidget toys (that don’t make noise), a weighted lap blanket to help provide some sensory input while sitting relatively still, and in Mikey’s case…always some candy. Nerds or something else small that I could dole out one by one to stretch them out through the length of the concert.

Whatever was needed, I’d really try to make it work for Mikey to be part of cheering Will on. I think it’s an important part of being a family and helping Michael show how much he loves Will…because he truly does, and it’s my job to help him learn how we show love.

What If?

What if Mikey was making noise? I took him out, quickly, before we disrupted anyone.  Here’s why. A concert at a Middle School is a celebration of the kids performing. It may also be a behavioral exercise for Michael, but he does not have the right to take away the experience for parents, grandparents, and siblings there to support their students. Also, students are not professional performers.  They get nervous.  Mikey has the right to try and if he can behave appropriately, he has the right to stay.  Period.

So, that means I needed to make the call to take him out sooner rather than later.  Could he have pulled it back together? Maybe, but I always erred on the side of caution with those decisions. If the whole point is to be supporting Will, I always felt that his brother should not be the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. 

There are many sensory-friendly performances of live concerts and shows where all safe behavior is tolerated. The performers are professionals or at the very least student performers who have been prepared for the diverse needs of the folks watching. Audience members can be loud, sing along, talk to each other and it’s all okay, but Middle School jazz band is not that moment.